Article From The Catholic Register

If It Feels Like A Family, It Is A Family

A few weeks ago I saw the musical play "Falsettos" at the Pitts- burgh Public Theater.

"Falsettos" is no "Sound of Music." The characters are (to quote a song from the second act) "homosexuals, mothers with children short insomniacs, and a teeny - tiny band." The seven actors portray a divorced husband and wife, his male lover; her new husband, the lesbians from next door, and the husband and wife's 12 year old son The play does not address the morality or immorality of homosexual relations, divorce and remarriage, or any of the other perceived threats to traditional family values. What it does do is show how these seven people choose to become a family. Ultimately the six adults, each carrying more than their full share of baggage, are brought together and drawn together as a family by the boy, Jason

I have always been fascinated by families. I think that earlier in life I made the mistake of thinking that all families were like my family: two parents, two children, four grandparents, and lots of aunts, uncles and cousins to the nth degree. I even grew up knowing two of my great - grandparents. My family has always been one of the biggest blessings in my life. I count on my family for love, sup port and stability. I know that with these people I can be myself: I am loved and valued simply because I'm me.

When I left home and went away to college, and then to semi nary, I was amazed to find out that very few families looked like my own. My best friend in seminary had lost count of the number of step - parents he had. He acquired at least two new step - fathers during the four years we were in school together. But that was okay with him: that was the reality of his family life and he lived with it

In my years of ministry, I have encountered many different fami lies - - families of varying shapes, sizes and configurations. I have learned the truth of the statement "There are as many kinds of fami lies as there are people living - - and loving - - in them."

A mother, a father, and a child (or children) does not automati- cally a family make. A family is much more than a biological equa tion. Therapists speak of "family of origin" and "family of choice." believe that every family - - even a person's biological family or fam ily of origin is a family of choice. Through the give - and - take o daily life, through decisions consciously made in the short term and over the long haul, families are made, not born.,

So, "Falsettos" was no "Sound of Music." Homosexuals, mothers with children, short insomniacs and a teeny - tiny band do no add up to nuns, naval captains, seven singing children and the Austrian Alps. But like the family in "Falsettos" the Trapp Family was a family of choice, too. Maria was invited into that family to be both wife and mother. She was invited to share life and love with people she cared about and who cared about her.

And that's what families are all about. Whether a particular family looks like your family or not, if the people comprising it find family values there, and have hearts big enough to invite others into their orbit, it's deserving of the family name.